I was sitting on the couch a few nights ago reflecting on the previous few weeks. I was smiling while remembering all of the fun moments that our family had enjoyed together. It was a very happy moment in my world however, that moment came to an abrupt end. I started to feel anxious. My smile slowly disappeared. For some insane reason I shifted my focus from family fun times to our home learning. Specifically, I shifted my focus to the lack of ‘school’ stuff that we had completed.
We have really slacked on our written work in a few weeks. We had gone on vacation for a week. After our vacation my dude, their daddy, came home and we enjoyed many fun family adventures. Instead of reflecting on the positive beautiful memories that we had created I started to freak out!
I experience homeschool freakouts from time to time, but on this night I seriously hit rock bottom. My body was tense while I sat at the computer. I searched for, found and even printed our state’s public school standards grade by grade. I wanted to know, I NEEDED to know that our kids were ‘on track’ with the kids at the public school. I was a mad woman on a mission. I printed, sorted, and stapled the standards from pre K all the way up to grade five (my youngest is in first grade). I was seriously nuts!
I knew I was out of control but I couldn’t stop. I poured myself a glass of wine, sat on the couch and started to read the state standards that I had printed. I quickly felt the anxiety fleeing my body as I read them over. I realized that our kids are totally on track.
I found my answer, right? Our kids were on track. Score! Nope, not so much. I immediately felt disappointed. I was disappointed in myself. I was disappointed that I ever thought about my kids being ‘on track’ with anyone other than themselves. I was disappointed that I allowed these negative thoughts to disrupt my beautiful moment of reflection.
My freakout allowed me to remind myself that one of the reasons we homeschool is so we are able to honor each of our children for their uniqueness. We do not plan on sending our children to public school so the state standards have no place in our home learning. I admit that I doubted myself, our children, and our family. During my freakout I was focused on the written work, I neglected to reflect on the many natural learning experiences that we shared during the last few weeks.
When these doubts creep up on me I freak out but the end result is I am reminded why we keep our children home instead of sending them to school. These freakouts make the path that our family is on more clear. We are a happy family that enjoys learning all of the time, whether we are ‘on track’ or not!
I am now back to my happy blissful existence as a homeshcooling mama….until my next freakout! Are you a homeschooling parent? Do you ever have a homeschool freakout?